White coat. Heels.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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