foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
