i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
