brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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