He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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