My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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