dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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