He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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