i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the day after is always just damage control
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
