I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize