The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
