Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
