member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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