i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize