Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
smell my finger.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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