I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize