If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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