so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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