The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
