My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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