I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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