i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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