I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
