Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god it's open bar.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
