Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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