While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
