So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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