How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize