her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
