I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
