Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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