Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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