Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
