These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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