one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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