when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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