I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
