I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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