chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
