You can't motorboat a personality
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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