what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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