My sheets look like a crime scene.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
