Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
