she was so not down for the gang bang
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
