Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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