apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
