I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
last night I used snow as a chaser
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
