Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
