Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
