I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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