we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
