A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
