I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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