You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sex in a hospital.. check
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
