i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
