a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
