i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
