3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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