If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize