i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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