true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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