i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize