Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
