And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
