Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize