New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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