I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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