a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
