Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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