sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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