Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
