i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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