I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
