Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got inside last night via doggy door
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
