God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
