i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
