I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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