Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize