none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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