I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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