So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
