Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
