I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
