meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
