between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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