i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
True strength comes from lack of pants
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
